Your Guide To Sex With… #1

Philip Burne-Jones Bt. (1861-1926) Français : ...

Philip Burne-Jones Bt. (1861-1926) Français : Le Vampire English: The Vampire Deutsch: Der Vampir (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Welcome to a new Hit Or Miss Series(TM)!

So, what the hell is a Hit Or Miss Series(TM)? I’m glad you asked. A Hit Or Miss Series(TM) is a series of posts on whatever random subject strikes my imagination. No particular schedule. No particular format. So, for the Your Guide To Sex With… Hit Or Miss Series(TM) {Hey, now, I’m pretending to be precious with the little (TM) symbol! Don’t laugh!}

For the first Your Guide To Sex With… post, I thought about staying close to home, and talking about what would happen if a human had sex with a weredragon. But, there are some SOOPER SEKRIT S’PRIZEZ involved with that, so I’m holding it until Blood Dragon I is published. That way, I won’t ruin the first time for you.

With weredragons out of the running, then, I think I’ll go with The Vampire. So here it is

Your Guide To Sex With… The Vampire!

What follows is a compilation of tips gleaned from numerous Paranormal Romances about the best ways to have sex with a vampire. Some of the advice might seem conflicting, but oh well.

  1. Always wear a turtleneck! Yes, all the way through to the afterglow. Everyone knows horny vampires get hungry, and hungry vampires bite. So if you want to keep your blood, keep the turtleneck on.
  2. Make sure your vampire feeds first. Some believe that to prevent erectile dysfunction in the male vampire, he must be well-fed. The extra blood will make sure there’s plenty for… you know. Sorry, Viagra doesn’t work for vampires.
  3. Allow your vampire to bite you at the critical moment. Everyone knows that a vampire’s bite is incredibly sensual and pleasurable. To ensure your utmost satisfaction, let him bite to his heart’s content.
  4. If cool, white skin creeps you out, makes you think of a fish’s belly, or other not-so-sexy things, send your vampire for a spray-tan first. Then get him one of those electric warming lap throws that old people use to keep their feet warm.
  5. Take your vitamins, and stock up on sports drinks. And it wouldn’t hurt to keep some high-iron foods handy, too, just in case. Since vampires are so much stronger than humans, they have more stamina, too. Your vampire will keep going all night, so you’re going to need some nutritional and hydrational supplementation. If you let him bite you, you’ll need the iron, too.

If you take these precautions faithfully, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy great sex with your vampire. At least until he either drains you dry, or turns you.

Stay tuned for another Your Guide To Sex With… post in this Hit Or Miss Series(TM) at some future date.

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About Kenra Daniels

I write steamy Paranormal Romance and Erotic Romance. I live in a very small town in rural northeastern Kentucky, right at the edge of the Appalachian Mountains, with my very own Romance Novel Hero (aka Hubby) of 26 yrs. We're raising our 3 little grandsons - 5y, 3y, and 2y old.
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3 Responses to Your Guide To Sex With… #1

  1. So funny! I laughed out loud at number 2….I’m so childish lol :)

  2. Thanks to Mickey M. for the following comment on Twitter:

    “Mickey M. ‏ @The_MOW
    @kenra_daniels Biggest tip with having sex with a vampire: Don’t ask him to bite you no matter how much biting turns you on. 😉 #amwriting”
    Kenra Daniels recently posted..This Is A Test Of Your Emergency… Oh, WaitMy Profile

  3. Pingback: Interview with Malick « Amaranthine Night

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  • Just Sayin’

    I'm a Romance Author - mainly Paranormal, but nearly all with fairly graphic intimate scenes. Those scenes serve to further the development of my plots and characters and are not included haphazardly to sell books or arouse readers.

    I probably COULD tell the stories without the graphic parts, but I CHOOSE not to. I want to show the full scope of the developing relationship, and leaving out some of the most powerful and meaningful moments will deprive the reader of a measure of understanding and emotional reaction to the characters and their stories.

    Since I write books intended for adult readers, I often have material on my website that is entirely unsuitable for younger readers. If you're under 18, or if you're easily offended by open discussion of sexual situations with frank language, you might want to look the other direction.